50?!?!? WHAT THE HECK?!? When did that happen?

I’ll admit i had a hard time turning 50.  Birthdays?  What are those?  Just a time to get together and a good excuse to eat cake without guilt.  I didn’t mind turning 20, 30, 40 felt like a holiday, a freedom from 30’s (those were hard years) but 50?!?  Seriously, that is a big number and what does it even mean?  Am I too old for skinny pants?  Am I too old to go to the trampoline park with my kids (who aren’t really kids anymore).  Am I old enough that I can wear bling without my son telling me I should move to Tooele?  At what age can wear what we want?  Tierra’s and cupcake dresses?  Hmm, I think that ship sailed and I wasn’t on board, unfortunately.

But 50, that was a hard pill to swallow.  I don’t feel any different than I did 20 years ago.  In fact, I feel better.  I have more stamina, more energy, and more passion for life.  I  don’t want to get old.  That’s all.  I love life, I want to drink from it deeply forever, I don’t want to get senile (more than I already am).  I want to travel and put in 18 hour days and never slow down.  I want to have energy for my grandkids; I just don’t want to be some old lady that they can’t relate to.  I feel bad for Mitch.  When Mariah and Taylor were teenagers we were in our 30’s and now Mitch has an old mom.  I never saw it coming.  No one warned me that I would go to bed in my 30’s and wake up 50.  That’s how it feels.  I don’t recognize the person in the mirror, that can’t possible be me; I am young.  I feel young.  It is weird.

Luke sitting on my stomach

In spite of all my misgivings, I had a terrific birth-day or birth-week. I flew to DC and spent 30 perfect hours with my sister, Cristy (we saw the ballet Dracula), I spend my birthday at the zoo with Toby, Luke, Mariah, Rob and crew, Taylor threw me amazing party, Toby got me a slab-roller for pottery, friends, and family were amazing.  I felt loved and supported and I did eat cake, lots of delicious cake (thanks Margaret).  I’ll take that fuel and more forward for hopefully 50 more!  Thank you wonderful people, I love you all!!